Sean King

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Knoxville, Tennessee, United States

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Never fear, the government is here...

...to help us with our gambling habit:

Earlier this week, reports emerged that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D, NV) was floating a proposal to regulate online poker in the US – a proposal that was intended to pass (or attempt to pass) in the current “lame duck” session.
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The bill is about 75 pages long.


And, with backing up our cars:

The Transportation Department proposed rear visibility rules that would, in effect, require backup cameras in all cars and light trucks by the 2014 models. The DOT estimated the systems -- a rear video camera and interior display -- would add about $200 to the cost of a vehicle.


Well, I hate to appear ungrateful as I appreciate the government's constant meddling in my affairs to insure my well-being. I mean, I do realize that it only wants what's best for me. But, dear government, if you really knew me, you'd understand that my real problems aren't with gambling or backing up my car. No, my problem at the moment is with toilet paper. Seriously, the toilet paper at my health club is that useless single-ply type. It takes about half a roll for a single wipe! I much prefer double-ply toilet paper, don't you? And, shouldn't every American, not just the rich, have a right to thick, plush, soft toilet paper, dear legislator? I mean, this is America, after all!

So, why don't you be a chap and pass a federal law mandating that all toilet paper sold in the US be at least double-ply, okay? Oh, and also, while you're at it, you might as well require that it also be quilted too. One's toilet paper can never be too soft, ya know.

Thanks in advance.

Your faithful constituent,

Sean

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